June

Still no news from Mayo but in the meantime we are filling our moments with recitals and the smell of late-blooming lilacs outside our bedroom windows and more strawberries than we can even eat in one sitting. 

While we feel the shadow of cancer looming we are sure not to miss the rainbow (double!) when it ends right in our own pasture.

I’m not sure what else to say.  News must be coming soon.  We try not to be waiting, but still we are.

But these moments of waiting don’t go unnoticed and they are full of beauty and love.  We hope yours are too.

winter retreat

Last weekend found us all in Madison for the Wisconsin Suzuki Association Winter Retreat.  We had a wonderful time.The girls played and listened to amazing music all weekend with about 200 other young Suzuki musicians, they made new friends, ran around like crazy with old ones, swam, rode the elevators up and down (and up and down), ate at a yummy Moroccan restaurant, and learned new skills along the way.  It was so awesome to have Andy there with us, feeling well.

Today we are back in the hospital for day two of this three day treatment.  It’s hard to see him feeling so yucky again after the strength of the past several weeks, but still we embrace this step with endurance and resilient hope.

The days are growing slowly longer, and as we await the rejuvenating power of spring, we settle into the quiet healing of winter.  Keeping ourselves right here, right now, with just the right amount of energy moving us forward toward that light.

this moment, this week

Holding the warmth of this season in our hearts as we go in for more testing this week.   Lifting our hearts up in intention and prayer.  Feeling the love in this moment pulling us forward.

right now

We are still hearing the sweet music of two girls who are so excited they can now play tunes together.  And remembering a lovely weekend with good friends.

We are recovering from the news that Andy’s round of treatment, scheduled for this week, is delayed until next week due to a small infection around his port (this is the device that was installed under his skin through which he can receive chemo.  I always think it sounds like where the spaceship should land.  Maybe it does.)  The infection is being watched closely and he is on antibiotics, of course.

We are making loads of kimchi and packing it away for winter.

We are watching as Iris embraces mornings of more formal learning, and enjoying her thirst for information now that reading has become easy.  

We are coaxing Mae into homeschool Kindergarten even though she is still so distracted by the cat.

We are occasionally staying up late to watch really stupid movies that make us laugh.

We are usually going to bed really early because we are exhausted by everything and want to get up before daylight to meditate, read, write and focus for the day.

We are enjoying Andy’s health, energy and well being this week.  We are allowing it to lift our hearts and spirits and pull us forward.

 

recital #2

The lighting was terrible but the music lovely.  This girl, who was nervous for the first time at recital, still shone.  Mistakes were made, but in the end they watched each other start over, try again and have the satisfaction of playing it through.  It’s inspiring to be part of a group of all ages, all abilities, all dedicated and enjoying their music.

When other things in our life are out of sorts it’s good to have the rhythm of practice and lesson and preparing for an upcoming recital to keep her on track.

We are thankful to her sweet teacher, her encouraging friends and the honor to watch her grow into this beautiful music.

a little violin magic

One of the things I love about the Suzuki method of learning the violin is that it encourages you to practice with your children much the same way as we strive to parent.  Gently, with encouragement and love, always trying to create a positive atmosphere of support.  Now, don’t get me wrong. Just as with parenting, I often crash and burn.  We have plenty of violin tantrums. Sometimes I resort to bribes or guilt trips, but I always come back to Dr. Suzuki’s philosophy, summed up nicely in these Suzuki quotes:
“Where love is deep, much will be accomplished” and “An unlimited amount of ability can develop when parent and child are having fun together.”

Dr. Suzuki believed that if children (any child) hears fine music from their birth and learns to play it that they develop love and beauty in their hearts, which ultimately brings peace to the world.  O.k., I’m sure that’s oversimplified, but truly it’s a nice concept.

And once again I saw it in action at the winter workshop Iris and I attended in Milwaukee last weekend.

Easily 100 children playing beautifully together (for the first time!) with smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts.

In the parent lecture that I was able to attend we talked about ideas like using “possibility teaching” over “parameter teaching”.  It’s just what you would think. Possibility teaching encourages us to ask our children to “explore” rather than “study”.  Discover what is possible.  How many ways can you play this piece?  Can you play it on tiptoes, can you play it while marching, can you play it silly, can you play it spooky, can you play it in your snowsuit?  Parameter teaching asks us to have our children learn always within the parameters we set, completing the tasks we set forth in a timely manner. It doesn’t engage our brains to retain what we learn.  And really, when I ask myself what I might want my child to get out of her musical studies, it’s more about learning how to learn, learning how to think in productive ways, than it is about becoming an accomplished musician.

This trip renewed for both of us our excitement for violin (hers to play, mine to help her practice in ways that are fun and engaging).  But it was also a sweet little mama-iris get away.  Some hours in the car to chat and listen to stories, an evening alone in the hotel to snuggle and stay up late.  Listening together to the incredibly beautiful music of the teachers and advanced students who always play before the younger students join.  Her joy and pride in adding her strings to theirs, my happiness in her confidence and the opportunities before her. Our awe and delight in it together.

hard work

This weekend Iris performed with some of her fellow violinists at a little event the Kickapoo Reserve put on.  There were 3 student groups that did short performances before the (paid) entertainment came on.  She eagerly (though distractedly) watched the first two groups, excited for her chance to play. 

This girl has pushed boundaries (ours, but mostly her own) in working at this instrument.  It’s hard.  Practice isn’t always fun, neither is lesson or group class. There have been moments of angst (hers and mine) where I’ve virtually tried to convince her to take a break from lessons, from practice.  But she’ll have none of that.  She adores her teacher, and also, I think she likes tackling this, getting somewhere, and slowly gaining mastery.  It’s not a piece of cake for her.  She usually doesn’t practice one minute longer than she has to.  Sometimes there are tears.

But then she plays, and her body moves with the rhythm of that most beautiful instrument, to the harmony of the other strings, and I think she knows. 

Tonight at dinner she said “I couldn’t live without art”.  We were talking about drawing (which she also very much loves) but my heart lifted to know that she’s got a place to find joy, to find solace, to find herself. 

harvest

We’ve been baking pumpkins, making applesauce, tucking away the kimchi and digging potatoes, celery root and winter radishes.  It’s harvest time!

And she’s been working super hard, this girl, and loving her time playing her violin with friends.  What a sweet treat to top off the harvest day parade with a performance in the park.

Now for a few more days of sun (where are you?) so we can tuck away that garden just a bit more…

and get ready to prop our feet in front of the wood stove with good books, yarn, and cups of tea.  Oh yes, winter is coming! 

watching them grow

Despite the sickness that has been hanging on around here, Iris shone yesterday for her first solo violin recital performance.  She played some ensemble pieces too, then she gathered round with her comrades and received her own special piece of the violin cake.  After a year of hard work this girl has graduated from the “Twinkles” (these are the first several songs Suzuki violin kids learn to play while perfecting their form).  We couldn’t be more proud of her.  But what’s really awesome is how good she feels about herself.  This not-always-so-confident-kid has found a space to stand that feels strong and sounds really good.  She likes it there and it shows. 

Meanwhile, Elsa continues to charm the chickens with her constant devotion and well, persistence.  She checks the chicks day and night, helps to feed, water and clean their pens.  They have recently been moved from our basement to a larger pen with heat lamps in our shed.  She begs to be placed in the pen with them (she can’t quite climb in by herself) and will happily sit under the heat lamp with her chicks as long as we let her.  This girl who totes around some animal or another (be it stuffed or live) seems to have found her place of comfort as well. She’s shiny and smiling and sure of herself there.

How lucky we are to watch these girls grow. 

a week’s full

Last week was a really full week. 

It started off with a rockin’ home school square dance during which Iris got to play a tune with the band,

followed by an afternoon of more peg people crafting (apparently one can never have too many peg people),

followed by another performance at a local community meal during which she got to play with an ensemble, (wow, cellos and violins do sound amazing together),

followed by a really crazy hailing thunderstorm which brought torrents of water down our valley and mounded up piles of hail to play in,

followed by a beautiful but-c’mon-really? late in the season snowstorm,

followed by baby ducks in the tub.

That’s about enough excitement for a bit.  We’ll take it easy for a few days now and just wait this little ol’ spring out.  She’s comin’, the peepers and red-wings say so.