June

Still no news from Mayo but in the meantime we are filling our moments with recitals and the smell of late-blooming lilacs outside our bedroom windows and more strawberries than we can even eat in one sitting. 

While we feel the shadow of cancer looming we are sure not to miss the rainbow (double!) when it ends right in our own pasture.

I’m not sure what else to say.  News must be coming soon.  We try not to be waiting, but still we are.

But these moments of waiting don’t go unnoticed and they are full of beauty and love.  We hope yours are too.

winter retreat

Last weekend found us all in Madison for the Wisconsin Suzuki Association Winter Retreat.  We had a wonderful time.The girls played and listened to amazing music all weekend with about 200 other young Suzuki musicians, they made new friends, ran around like crazy with old ones, swam, rode the elevators up and down (and up and down), ate at a yummy Moroccan restaurant, and learned new skills along the way.  It was so awesome to have Andy there with us, feeling well.

Today we are back in the hospital for day two of this three day treatment.  It’s hard to see him feeling so yucky again after the strength of the past several weeks, but still we embrace this step with endurance and resilient hope.

The days are growing slowly longer, and as we await the rejuvenating power of spring, we settle into the quiet healing of winter.  Keeping ourselves right here, right now, with just the right amount of energy moving us forward toward that light.

elsa mae

Mae and I celebrated her half birthday yesterday, as is now our tradition.  If the pictures look familiar it’s because she insisted we do exactly the same thing as last year.   She rides (and sings) I walk behind and carry the hot chocolate. We headed to her beloved Kickapoo Reserve and the sparkly water of the bird blind pond.  She remembered it all. This year there were no ducks and it seemed a little, well, unexciting (to me, anyway) but Mae persisted, as is her way, and soon found several small red dragonflies flitting about.  She was delighted.  We followed them back and forth on the path, we sat and waited for them to light on our palms (they never touched me, but landed on Mae several times), we noticed their ragged wings and she wondered what will happen to them in the weeks to come. We spent well over an hour admiring them.  Then we found some scat with a raptor talon in it and that was just over the top!

I love spending time with this girl, whose focus is something to be admired.  Whose determination–to wear fancy purple shoes for a hike and bike ride, to play an instrument different from her sister, to ask big questions and understand their answers–serves her well as the youngest member of this family overflowing with big issues that can easily overshadow someone so little.  This girl stays so present every step of the way.  Her heart is overflowing with wonder at the natural world, she wears her joy and sparkle right there on the surface for all of us to see.  She is generous and loving and fiery hot.  She is sure of herself.

Riding/walking back to the car she randomly said (as is her 6 1/2 year old way).  “Nonnie is really little”.
Me:  “Yes she is.  Nonnie is little but powerful.”
Mae:  “Yeah, I’m little and powerful too.”

Yes, you are sweet girl.  Yes you are.