this new year

Christmas in Miami was different but delightful.  Elsa got the bow of her dreams (made by Andy), the Gorrill’s visited and it was so great to have family and we spent Christmas afternoon on the beach with new snorkel gear! Sadly, everyone left the day after Christmas and it was back to business with the start of the second drug in Andy’s chemo combo. 

Things did not go as we had hoped.  Andy started the new medicine on Wednesday and by Friday was feeling pretty fatigued, spacey and overall not well.  Saturday am found him weak, almost passing out, so I called 911 and tried to prep the already freaked out girls for the arrival of the EMT’s.  Iris, understandably, worried aloud about all the terrible things that could happen, while Elsa made herself a waffle and ate it (different kids, different coping).  Andy maintained consciousness (thank god) and the EMT’s arrived calmly and without sirens (thank you, guys).  They were big intimidating Cubanos who couldn’t have been sweeter and more kind.  One guy sat next to Iris and talked to her about how scary this was, how strong she is and gave her a fist bump on the way out the door.   Then we followed them and Andy to the emergency room.

When you move to Miami and your in-laws have gone home and the next friends haven’t arrived and you know no one, well, the kids get an intimate look at the inside of a big city emergency room. 

Andy’s vitals checked out normal at the ER, but some of his blood levels were off a bit and because he is on a clinical trial they have to monitor everything and the ER nurse looked at us kindly when we mentioned going home and said “don’t get your hopes up, honey”.  Sure enough, 2 nights and 3 days later we emerged, exhausted and worried but mostly the same as when we went in.  We don’t really know why Andy got so weak and woozy or why his blood levels (kidney function) aren’t where they are supposed to be, but we can only assume it’s the drugs causing some havoc. 

Andy is back home now and feeling still tired but not at all weak or woozy.  The girls watched more media than I’d ever be comfortable with under normal circumstances, but when your dad is in the hospital and HBO is running a Harry Potter movie marathon and the hospital has HBO, well screw screen limits (and also screw healthy eating and bedtime and changing your underware).  At one point when they weren’t glued to the tube I did debrief the chaos with them and I think they are ok.  Because what they witnessed was super scary but also empowering.  Because people were kind and competent and their mom held her shit together and so did their dad (of course) and actually so did they.   And now we know what it takes to call 911 and go to the hospital in an ambulance and spend 4 hours in the ER and then 3 days in the hospital in a crazy city with traffic and sky scrapers and palm trees and nothing familiar and no friends or family to help.  Dang, we rocked that thing.

In seriousness we are still freaked out.  We don’t know what any of this means.  If Andy’s body is revolting and not tolerating these drugs, he might not be able to stay on the study.  If it’s not the drugs and it’s the cancer causing problems, well that sucks even more.  We’ll be back at the clinic tomorrow for more testing and to talk with the study doctors and hopefully get some answers. 

And by the way, 2018…NOT FUNNY!  

Wishing you all a happy and healthy new year!