change

So I haven’t been writing because I don’t even know what to say.  Somehow I want to let you know that sometimes it’s awful but we are ok.  I’m not sure how to do that here, I wish we could all sit down and have a cup of tea together so you could just see.

Andy’s last scan showed more tumors. 

A month ago a dear friend took her own life.

Two of my longtime coworkers move on.

The election season makes us sad and crazy.

And with all that I’m thinking again about change.  About how things are always changing, how try as we might to hold on to what feels comfortable, life and all that comes with it, is impermanent. 

Yet here we still stand learning that moments pass through us and nothing stays the same.  Grief comes and it goes, laughter erupts in the midst of it, the girls snuggle together in the morning and fight with each other in the afternoon.  And somehow as I watch these moments pass along I can feel some ease just in knowing that this too will change.

The frost turns the morning glory vines brown and the milkweed pods burst open.

Our meals now consist of soups and squash and frost nipped kale.

Elsa’s front two teeth are finally loose.

Iris’ legs and arms stretch long and Andy can’t recognize her clothes from mine in the laundry anymore.

Moments march into the next before our eyes.  Holding on does no good.  Comfort comes in being there for each one.